Ugh. Bad Coffee. And On My Birthday.

I am not immune from getting crap coffee. Over the past few weeks, bad coffee has made its way to me from a number of sources. Lest anyone think that I have lowered my standards, I thought that I should share some of my disappointments:

Coffee Number One

Espresso: This coffee ticked a number of boxes to achieve an astounding level of complexity. Unfortunately, those boxes were sour, bitter, rubber, dirt and an astringent finish. No amount of barista-fu could remedy this one.

I think that this coffee must have been a blend of roasts that had a variety of problems.

Coffee Number Two

Aroma: Incredibly strong aroma of raspberry, tending towards vinegar.

Drip/Siphon: Slightly dry, bitter and with a small amount of raspberry. Not incredibly bad, actually.

Espresso/Cappuccino: Vinegar. Ferment. Garbage water. Aftertaste as though someone had sprayed floral toilet deoderiser in one's mouth.

The aroma made promises and the espresso delivered. Unfortunately, I was not clever enough to remember what that promise was.

I think that this was simply a batch of defective coffee.

Coffee Number Three

Espresso: Thin. Carbon. Hardly surprising, given that oil came to the surface a day after roasting.

I think that this one was burnt.

Coffee Number Four

Bin: The only thing that this coffee was suitable for, just from its appearance.

I know that this one was roasted badly by some hack using a newly purchased popcorn popper. I know because I was that hack.

Names withheld to protect the not-so-innocent.