Sunday, September 28, 2008

Ugh. Bad Coffee. And On My Birthday.

I am not immune from getting crap coffee. Over the past few weeks, bad coffee has made its way to me from a number of sources. Lest anyone think that I have lowered my standards, I thought that I should share some of my disappointments:

Coffee Number One

Espresso: This coffee ticked a number of boxes to achieve an astounding level of complexity. Unfortunately, those boxes were sour, bitter, rubber, dirt and an astringent finish. No amount of barista-fu could remedy this one.

I think that this coffee must have been a blend of roasts that had a variety of problems.

Coffee Number Two

Aroma: Incredibly strong aroma of raspberry, tending towards vinegar.

Drip/Siphon: Slightly dry, bitter and with a small amount of raspberry. Not incredibly bad, actually.

Espresso/Cappuccino: Vinegar. Ferment. Garbage water. Aftertaste as though someone had sprayed floral toilet deoderiser in one's mouth.

The aroma made promises and the espresso delivered. Unfortunately, I was not clever enough to remember what that promise was.

I think that this was simply a batch of defective coffee.

Coffee Number Three

Espresso: Thin. Carbon. Hardly surprising, given that oil came to the surface a day after roasting.

I think that this one was burnt.

Coffee Number Four

Bin: The only thing that this coffee was suitable for, just from its appearance.

I know that this one was roasted badly by some hack using a newly purchased popcorn popper. I know because I was that hack.

Names withheld to protect the not-so-innocent.

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At 11:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm, so was it recently that you sprayed your mouth with floral toilet deodoriser, or was it a skillful recall?

At 2:13 AM, Blogger Bunny Rae Gliek said...

^^^ hilarious.. the article + that comment made my day.

At 5:48 AM, Blogger Mike said...

I call shenanigans! FB tells me your birthday isn't until Tuesday, so either you're lying to us, or you're just planning to spray your mouth with floral toilet deodoriser to celebrate tomorrow :-O

At 6:22 PM, Blogger Steve AGI said...

Luca you are a LEGEND
email me the name(s) PLEASE.......

Thanks heaps dude, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

At 8:16 AM, Blogger yeeza said...

haha, that popper roast wasn't for the palate training, was it mate ;)? I've dumped 3 roasts I've done for that course 'cos it sucked...and i'm still not happy.

Oh and happy birthday!


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